Other Writing And Things Found or Overheard
PUBLISHED
Click here to see published work.
Everything that follows is the archive for this blog, which has been active since 2005.
FICTION
Picture Yourself Making Memories in places like Houston,
St. Louis, and much more.
The Most Recent Days of Rocco Bossy
Making Peace with Contemporary Art:
A Conversation with Jasper Johns’ Flag
Daniel Went Down to the Waterfront to Pick up Some Sailors,
Even Though He’s Not Gay
Man Vs. Machine:
Treadmill at the Gym Edition
Here is What Happened on the Day I Decided to
Sit by the Highway and Wave at Passing Cars
Our Janitor, He Has a Very Positive Attitude
An Open Letter To American Consumers
Something About An Ensemble of Parallel Universes
Enjoying the Holidays with Mitch Andrews,
the Guy Who Directs Loading Zone Traffic at the Airport
The Steadily Growing Case for Teleportation
Carl Franks Is A Terrible Superhero
An Open Letter To Jane Pauley,
A Celebrity With Whom I Happen To Share A Birthday
We Are Culturally Unwell And Generally Terrible At Driving
These Things Will Appear To Be From Fondness
Give Me A Quarter, I’ll Tell You Your Fortune
She Has a Tattoo on the Inside of Her Wrist
Things Got Complicated When Phil
Attended That Group Session For People With Anxiety
Eddie and Ramone Will Freak Your Shit Out
The Unusual Emigration of Franklin Lewitt
NOT FICTION
Recent Indicators that it Might be Time to Leave Portland
A Critical Review of the Art Included With an Adult Novelty Comb
Some Different Kinds of Lassies
There Will Always Be Another Train
Nobody Likes To See an Old Lady Hustle
Something About The State Of Modern Puppetry
I Went To The Giant Corn Maze And All I Got Was This Lousy Murderous Rage
At The Speed Of Your Last Good Summer
The Toilets in Detroit Have Astonishingly Long Flushes
LISTS
Possible Outcomes of the App that Makes
Your iPhone Sound Like a Dog’s Squeaky Toy
Bad Times to Release the Kraken
Your Newest Painting May Actually Be Crap
Comments Spoken or Overheard at Cirque Du Soleil
Believable Reasons for Being Late For Work
Less Popular Nativity Scene Figurines
Comments Spoken or Overheard During
A Recent Viewing of March of the Penguins
Some Things I Honked at During The Month of September
Some New Numbers That are Not Likely To Catch On
Nicknames That Have Not Been Well Received
By This Summer’s Interns
Fictional Board Games You Might Consider
Given The Appropriate Circumstances
What’s Missing from Your Vegan Meal?
Common Work Phrase or Sexual Euphemism?
Possible Last Names for Men Who Are Nicknamed Al,
Listed in Order from Most to Least Cool
Kentucky Derby Racehorse or Celebrity Baby?
Some Lists for Which I Have No Lists
A Few of the Names Submitted for a Recent Round of the Famous Name Game
Hard Lessons Learned by Arnold of Television’s “Diff’rent Strokes”
I’ll Take “Popes A Poppin” To Win in the Fifth
What to Expect After March Madness
Yanni Song or Ralph Lauren Paint Color?
TWINS IN UTERO
FOUND/TAKEN
Doomed Relationships: Goodbye, Enjoy
Try it Again,
This Time With More Frampton TalkBox
Your Mandates Are Less Impressive
For Your Choice of Stationary
Your Life Will Never Again Be So Simple And Even if it Were,
You Probably Wouldn’t Actually Enjoy It
Doomed Relationships: What Teal May Have Done With Jada
Doomed Relationships: Corey and Your Lady L.L.
Doomed Relationships: Heart This
Doomed Relationships:
I LOVE YOU SO MU – Wait, Hang On, My Cab’s Here
Doomed Relationships:
Best “Monthsary” Present Ever
Doomed Relationships: XOXOXOXOXO Etc.
Doomed Relationships: Best Honeymoon Ever
OVERHEARD
Sneezing, Itchy Eyes, Headaches
and Invisible Bugs Crawling All Over Your Arms
Great Moments in Mentoring:
Revisionist Compromise
Great Moments in Mentoring:
Where Do Superbabies Come From?
Dads: What The Hell Is Wrong With These People
Jesus Saves (You Money On Entertainment)
