whole-foods-hummus

Roles I Imagine I am Auditioning for When I Shop at Whole Foods

Guy Struggling with Soup Lid

Man Waiting Impatiently for Carob

Hummus Prick

Guy Who Needs Bathroom Code

Husband Curious About Starfruit

Man Sheepishly Taking the Last of the Bulk Spinach

Know-It-All Dismissing “Nutrition” Bars

Hesitant Sushi Picker

Office Worker Digging for the Cheapest Piece of Parmigiano Reggiano

Man Disturbed by Total Bill

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This is published online at McSweeney’s.

3 Responses to “Roles I Imagine I am Auditioning for When I Shop at Whole Foods”

  1. Mark Russell

    If there’s never been a film that has credited someone as “Hummus Prick,” then there needs to be one.

    My roles:

    Misplaced Safeway Shopper
    Man with Deli Purchase Remorse
    Reluctant Mango Buyer

  2. Sloan

    The grocery store deli is a tar pit of convenience.

  3. sara king

    The role I play is:

    Confused and overwhelmed wine shopper.

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