Prix Fixe
Tonight I'm going to prepare a meal using only ingredients from my backyard! This will be tricky, because I don't have a garden. In fact, I don't have a backyard at all. My house is immediately adjacent to a homeless shelter and I have bricked over the back windows in order to stop all of the peering. I just made that up, I actually do have a backyard. It just really sucks.
For starters, we'll be eating a salad of dandelion greens drizzled with fresh rainwater. Do you know that I went to a fancy restaurant once and they charged me $10 for a salad with dandelions? Apparently these weeds are not just for blowing the casual wishes of children. A rough estimate reveals that my lawn is worth thousands of dollars.
For the main, I'll be serving feral Rock Pigeon over a bed of rustic root vegetables. I will trap the pigeons as they land in my yard, after being lured and fattened by the neighbor's multitude of bird feeders. I once placed an angry looking plastic owl atop my garage to keep these pigeons out of my yard, but several of them have taken up residence in a nook just below it. I like to think that they find great comfort in the illusion of security. This is why I've purchased a second plastic owl to bait my trap. I don't know what to do about the root vegetables, but I'm sure something will come to me.
For dessert, we will have a rich, buttery brioche bread pudding topped with fresh strawberry compote, a recipe handed down to me from my French grandmere, Marguerite D'Étampes de Valençay. Her secret was to add raisins plumped in Grand Marnier and orange zest. Actually I'm just kidding, there won't be any dessert. That raisin thing is from Martha Stewart.
For starters, we'll be eating a salad of dandelion greens drizzled with fresh rainwater. Do you know that I went to a fancy restaurant once and they charged me $10 for a salad with dandelions? Apparently these weeds are not just for blowing the casual wishes of children. A rough estimate reveals that my lawn is worth thousands of dollars.
For the main, I'll be serving feral Rock Pigeon over a bed of rustic root vegetables. I will trap the pigeons as they land in my yard, after being lured and fattened by the neighbor's multitude of bird feeders. I once placed an angry looking plastic owl atop my garage to keep these pigeons out of my yard, but several of them have taken up residence in a nook just below it. I like to think that they find great comfort in the illusion of security. This is why I've purchased a second plastic owl to bait my trap. I don't know what to do about the root vegetables, but I'm sure something will come to me.
For dessert, we will have a rich, buttery brioche bread pudding topped with fresh strawberry compote, a recipe handed down to me from my French grandmere, Marguerite D'Étampes de Valençay. Her secret was to add raisins plumped in Grand Marnier and orange zest. Actually I'm just kidding, there won't be any dessert. That raisin thing is from Martha Stewart.
Labels: Fiction
