Ebay: Questions For Seller

This item is amazing and will probably change your life! It definitely changed mine, and given recent world events, you’re going to really be glad you own this item! The decision to sell this item was very difficult for me, but I just can’t afford to keep it anymore. My loss is your gain!!! I guarantee this item to be in A+++++ condition but buyer agrees to accept it “as is.” There is one small scratch on the front of the item, but it’s barely noticeable, especially in my small apartment’s poor lighting. At the end of the auction, I will ship this item anywhere in the continental U.S. for a nominal fee or overseas for a little more. Please email me with any questions about this AWESOME item and the answers to all questions will be posted below. Thanks for looking and happy bidding!
Q: Hi, I might be interested in bidding on this item but you don’t actually say what it is. What is this item?
A: This item is amazing! Happy Ebaying!

Q: My question was more about what physical form this item takes. Thanks.
A: This is a physical item and it is amazing! You won’t be disappointed. Happy bidding!

Q: Hi I just saw this and I’m also confused about what you’re selling here. Could you please provide more details?
A: Sure! This amazing item is unique in the world. I’ve owned it for almost ten years! Wow, when I say that, it seems hard to believe that time has already gone by. I will say though, things were pretty great before my accident. Well, good luck and thanks for looking!

Q: Hello, is this item a female robot?
A: No, I’m not currently selling any robots.

Q: Hi, I emailed a couple times earlier. I just noticed that all of the bidders for your item have user names that are very similar to yours. In fact, all of them are “steve##” with different numbers at the end. Are you bidding on your own item?
A: Wow, I’m glad someone else noticed that – I thought I was going crazy! Seriously though, there are a lot of Steves in the world. Thanks for your question!

Q: This item is amazing! Is there any chance that I could pay you DOUBLE the amount of the highest bid when the auction closes?
A: I agree that this item is amazing and worth at least what you’re offering, but that’s against Ebay rules and unfair to all of the bidders, sorry. Good luck!

Q: I think you emailed that last question to yourself. I’m seriously considering reporting you to Ebay staff.
A: What was your question?

Q: Do you have any pictures of the item to prove that it exists?
A: Yes! I have hundreds of pictures but unfortunately, I don’t currently own a computer so I can’t email them or add them to the listing. Thanks for looking!

Q: That doesn’t make any sense. You’re using a computer to answer these questions.
A: No, you’re the asshole, buddy!

Q: You don’t actually have an item to sell, do you?
A: Yes I do. It’s a female robot.

Q: No it isn’t. You answered an earlier question by saying that you weren’t selling any robots.
A: No it isn’t. You answered an earlier question by saying meh meh meh blah blah bleh hey look at me, I’m an asshole with a computer.

Q: I’ve just notified Ebay staff of your fraudulent listing. Happy Ebaying.
A: Ok, fine, you want the truth? The truth is that I don’t actually have an item to sell. I’m destitute, lonely and I require expensive medication to keep me from doing unpredictable, dangerous things. Things that can cause harm to others. Sometimes to people I’ve never met. Do you understand what I’m saying?

Q: Are you threatening me?
A: Yes. And your family.

Bidding for item #413210780 has ended. Steve65 is the winning bidder.

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