Recent Challenges of Mettle, Part Two:
Growing it Up
Before you began to read this sentence, you did not know that your hair has a "terminal length." And if you did know this, you most certainly did NOT know that sophisticated research by genius hair doctors has determined that the average strand of hair will grow to its terminal length in about 1,000 days. Fantastic news for those of you with three years to kill and dreams of employment with renaissance fairs.
I bring this up because for some time now, friend Whit's been trying to convince me to grow my hair out. And by out, I mean up, because when mine grows beyond the bounds of my reasonably-sized headwear, it erupts into a dirty blonde mushroom cloud. I will not entertain the idea; Gentle people will be repelled, fine dining will no longer be available, a quiet family of small, flightless birds will take up residence inside of this giant hair. The price on the challenge has always been too high to warrant more than abbreviated discussion and an easy afternoon laugh.
That is until recently, when things took a turn for the competitive. To his credit, Whit has tentatively offered to match my humiliation with his own, though he's expressed hesitation towards shaking on it until the rules of the game have been thoroughly worked out. In short, he has offered to forgo his neatly and appropriately shaved head in return for growing mine out. We would pit our unfortunate circumstances against each other - My unmanageable head of iceberg against his spare comb-over.
In all honesty, I'm just a minor career change away from taking the bet.
I bring this up because for some time now, friend Whit's been trying to convince me to grow my hair out. And by out, I mean up, because when mine grows beyond the bounds of my reasonably-sized headwear, it erupts into a dirty blonde mushroom cloud. I will not entertain the idea; Gentle people will be repelled, fine dining will no longer be available, a quiet family of small, flightless birds will take up residence inside of this giant hair. The price on the challenge has always been too high to warrant more than abbreviated discussion and an easy afternoon laugh.
That is until recently, when things took a turn for the competitive. To his credit, Whit has tentatively offered to match my humiliation with his own, though he's expressed hesitation towards shaking on it until the rules of the game have been thoroughly worked out. In short, he has offered to forgo his neatly and appropriately shaved head in return for growing mine out. We would pit our unfortunate circumstances against each other - My unmanageable head of iceberg against his spare comb-over.
W
It would look great if you'd grow it out. I mean really grow it out.
S
I can't stand it when it gets too big.
W
Tell you what - I'll grow mine out and comb it over. You know how terrible it would look, but that's how much I believe in this.
(his girlfriend begins to protest, with little impact)
S
This might change things.
W
The deal is that you can't use any kind of hair product and you can't cut any part of your hair. The challenge ends when one of us gives in and goes to a barber. It'll be like a game of chicken.
S
Actually it's more like a race. A race to ugly.
It would look great if you'd grow it out. I mean really grow it out.
S
I can't stand it when it gets too big.
W
Tell you what - I'll grow mine out and comb it over. You know how terrible it would look, but that's how much I believe in this.
(his girlfriend begins to protest, with little impact)
S
This might change things.
W
The deal is that you can't use any kind of hair product and you can't cut any part of your hair. The challenge ends when one of us gives in and goes to a barber. It'll be like a game of chicken.
S
Actually it's more like a race. A race to ugly.
In all honesty, I'm just a minor career change away from taking the bet.
Labels: Overheard
Discussion:
Unruly hair is luscious. Good luck in your endeavor.
I'm an authority on big hair so let me give you the 411: No product equals no social life. Why would you want to do that to yourself? So you can see what several years without relations feels like? You are a charming cutiepatootie with personality, Schang, but never underestimate the draw of a goodlooking head of hair. I learned that the hard way.
Hmmmmm, your people can grow some hair, so I may have something to learn from you. Don't discount the shape and hold value of a little dirt and grime though - If I go a few days without washing it, it's better n' product.
A comb-over deserves a big head of lettuce. I think rules should be in place re: frequent washings/limited gel use. And possibly mandatory pictures as well (especially on windy days)
whose girlfriend?
Because I really want to see this bet go forward, I will try to ante up. I'll be willing to shave my head if they both reach X days of hair growth, with X to be negotiated. As I found out when I shaved my head in high school, I have a cone-shaped skull, and its really pretty amusing.
Since we're all man-ing up, I'm in. I pledge to be 75 pounds overweight, have a bald spot bigger than my gut, overuse making quote signs when I speak to strangers, train homing pigeons and then move, tsk tsk to myself when someone uses "the 411" in 2005, mispronounce the word niche, and attempt to popularize the phrase, "Hey, that's Chess King good!.
Wait a minute, I WIN!
i think its a bad idea. both the comb over and the fro.
Hey, most of the bands I like have big hair, so I say go for it.
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